The contradictions of age and the desire to have bliss in one’s life cross my mind often. At a certain point in your life, a weight gets put on your shoulders—the need to be successful—and the older you get, the heavier it gets. There are times in your life when you have all that you can take, but you still have to move on with things. This is something that I have bin noticing and struggling with.
I recently wanted to revert back to childhood, where I’d have no real responsibilities. In particular I would like to shed expectations of success. I feel trapped, spread so thin, because I am expected to do multiple things at once. I have a longing for what I once had, and when I look at my younger siblings it is as if I could recapture it again. All they want to do is to grow up and to fulfill the responsibilities and tasks of life. They do not have unnecessary anxiety from getting older and the expectations that go along with it. They want to dress, watch things, talk, and do the same things the people they call adults do. They have enjoyment in being independent, because they do not know what lies ahead. They have a desire to be responsible, the way they imagine I live my life—the same life I wish I could enjoy.
Reverting to a childlike state could never happen, I know, and even if I had the opportunity I would not act on it. But haven’t you ever wished you were a child again?